Uganda News Satire, Parody and Spoof News

Animals no longer interested in taking part in Protests

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Kampala. After being forced by human beings to take part in protests around the city  for various reasons, animals including wild ones in Uganda have requested human beings to keep them out of their issues.

Opposition parties have often used animals including chicken and pigs painted in yellow and blue as a means of protest opposing government policies. The animal kingdom has now asked Ugandans to excuse them from any future involvement.

A pig painted in yellow finds itself stranded on the street

“The whole experience is tear dropping and bloody irritating,” complained Nicko Mbizinya, a pig our reporter spoke to near Nikodemus in Nakulabye, “Every few weeks they kidnap us and paint our skins in blue or yellow .. imagine yellow of all colours. They tell us we are going for a photoshoot only to push us out of the cars once we reach the city center. Some of the unlucky ones are carried in sacks. Then the worst happens; everyones starts screaming, journalists and police swarm the place with teargas and vicious rabid dogs as bodaboda riders wave two fingers wildly in the air drowning our own screams. We wouldn’t really mind this but they just dump us on the street without saying any word or instructions. That is so mean.”

A sheep we spoke to near Kinsenyi, explained that initially even the animals enjoyed such protests as it gave them an opportunity to come on national television, but soon they lost all interest.

“Radio and TV reporters don’t ask our views on anything, they just roam around, take selfies to share on social media before the police arrives, brutally arrest us and drive us off blindfolded at breakneck speed to some slaughter house detention facility,” Mbizinya rued, “Trust me, we animals can air our views on poverty and poor living standards plus frustration in Uganda better than many of those protestors. Yet not a single animal not even a goat was ever invited to any radio or television talk show.”

Kicking arse!

But their desire to come on television was not the only factor, the animals clarified that they took part in the protests as they are directly affected when human beings get frustrated.

“Yes, we are afraid that you guys may resort to drinking alchol and muchomo which will not be good for us,” Pawktok, a pig in Naalya expressed her deepest fears to our reporter.

“But what do such protest stunts achieve?” she asked, “corruption still thrives, constitution abused and infact it gets worse with poor service delivery. This is clearly a useless exercise and we are no longer interested in this “porko porko