Uganda News Satire, Parody and Spoof News

Bed bugs traumatized as NRM MPs fight for bed in Kyankwanzi

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Frantic 5-minute battle: How the two female MPs caused mayhem in Bugsland and disturbed their peace

  • Terrified bedbugs describe being just centimeters from the raining blows 
  • Thirty bed bugs dead, eighty five others were injured, some considered to be in critical condition
  • Kyankwanzi Police said to have arrived on scene within two hours of getting the first call from a bug
  • Bed bugs had ‘multiple engagements’ and verbal exchanges with the MPs
  • Investigation still going on at the dormitory as blood bank runs out of blood for the injured bedbugs.

Eyewitnesses have described the chaotic scenes after two female NRM MPs fought for a bed during the retreat in Kyankwanzi , leaving at least 30 bed bugs dead and injuring others.

The scuffle confirmed by the party spokesperson erupted after Ms Ann Nankabirwa, the Kyankwanzi District MP, displaced Ms Florence Nebanda (Butaleja Woman) from a bed the latter had occupied for three days.

Bed bugs who witnessed the fight claim, Ms Florence Nebanda reportedly demanded Ms Ann Nankabirwa to return her belongings to her bed but the latter insisted that she had the right to determine who sleeps where since she is the host MP.

Terrified bed bugs who spoke to Amawulire described how the two MPs who at first were shouting on top of their voices later started fighting. No words. They folded their skirts sleeves and started fighting. Other female MPs just cheered on,’ said the Uganda Bed bugs Association spokesman, Kiku Senior.

When Amawulire visited the facility, injured bed bugs still lay trapped in the mattresses. ‘A group of four of us were sucking blood on bed number 36 when we heard “pop, pop, pop” sounds, and on a closer look, thirty bed bugs had been squashed as blows landed on the mattress. We all looked at each other, puked all the blood and froze”, an injured bedbug told our reporter.

‘They couldn’t have been more than 3 or 4 centimeters away. We didn’t get any warning or anything and within a half-minute several bedbugs was rushing down the double decker beds and headed to the emergency exits cracks. ‘I heard lots of voices saying, “Fight, kikube, kubaaaaa” and in a minute or so I fainted.’ , added the bed bug still on a blood drip under a bed.

An MP Amawulire later spoke to on condition of anonymity put the blame squarely on the bugs. She said she was enjoying the fight and updating her facebook friends about it in real time when she heard what sounded like ‘pop, pop, pop’. ‘The bedbugs over panicked” she said. ‘It was just bugs running, running, running. I do not have the details’

In an address on Monday, The queen bed bug described the Kyankwanzi bugs massacre as a ‘cowardly’ act ‘that targeted peace loving blood sucking bugs’. These men & women were just sucking blood, .. having their share of the national cake,’ she screamed. ‘Government should set up a commission of inquiry. We urge all our fellow Ugandan bed-mates citizens to observe a one minute’s silence before they join us in bed today for us to revenge and we send our thoughts and prayers to all at the bed bug families who’ve been touched by this tragedy.’