Burglars and conmen demand immediate reopening of Makerere University

Disgruntled con-men and housebreakers have in a strong worded letter warned the University leadership and the government to sort out their qualms and have Uganda’s oldest university reopened within 48 hours, after it emerged that they have been rendered idle and disorderly since there are no students at campus and in hostels to rob or con.

“Look here, every room in an average student hostel around Makerere University has at least two laptops, galaxy tabs, HTC, iPhones and a fair bit of cash in each suitcase, protected only by a rickety loose front door that they’re probably too drunk to lock,” said a spokesburglar for Uganda Conmen & Burglars Federation (UCBF), who preferred to be only known simply as “Magalo” for legal reasons. “If the university is not open and there aren’t any students, how the hell are we going to make an honest living?”

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An unhappy burglar after finding an empty room in Kikoni, Makerere

The burglars and conmen join those who forge university transcripts, car-part thieves and other sectors of the criminal economy in their concern that the university closure poses a threat to their livelihoods.

Landlords around the university are also said to be “grim-faced” at the prospect of having to rent their houses to relatives and grown-ups who might read the small print in their contracts.

Responding to these statements, a senior Lecturer said: “Obviously, none of this is their fault. We’re as anxious as anyone for the government to increase our dime and we go back and teach. We have to resume very soon otherwise there’s a very real danger of these conmen and burglars targeting the leafy suburbs of the University that we live in.”

Meanwhile Police has asked the burglars to remain calm as there is green-light that the university will be reopened soon.

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