Government to generate electricity out of Social Media noise
With zillions of mega-watts of energy being wasted by Ugandans everyday on Social media while outraging on various issues, Government has come up with a plan to tap and convert this energy into electricity.
“We have finally seen the light. Every part of Uganda will have electricity by 2060” an official on condition of anonymity told Amawulire.com, “As government, all we have to do is to continue coming up with controversial decisions, scams, arrests and more.”
“Government has set up a committee to work on how to tap into the emotional energy contained in Ugandan’s social media posts, convert it to thermal and then into electrical energy,” he explained.
Dr. Solido Masanya, an official from the Ministry of energy confirmed government’s support and funding. “Government is looking beyond the kinetic and emotional energy involved in publishing government secrets, rants about service delivery or tribal vicious posts to support the little Hydro electricity being generated in the country”.
bribed asked the official to explain more on how they plan to generate electricity out of social media, he said the government plans to import cheap laptops and tablets from China and then distribute them at a cost free of charge to people in all areas where of-course we have electricity under the theme “Look at the bright side”.
The buttons on these laptops will be special and connected to an antennae on every house that will be connected to the mini thermal grid and then finally the national grid. The laptops will only access social media websites and every time someone rants types, each button will generate electricity.
“The more a Facebook post or tweet is emotionally charged, the higher its potential to generate electricity,” Solido added, “However, we’d still be blocking some people especially in the Opposition, who are always emotionally super-charged and generate more more electricity than others, as they could cause a power surge.” Solido refused to name the opposition politicians.
“It’s a win-win situation for the whole country,” a ruling party MP opined, “While for the city folks it will legitimize spending time on social media critisizing every goverment scam scheme, for the rural folks it will bring much needed electricity.”
Government has approached several top corrupt government officials, journalists, celebrities and companies. In the event of grid failures or blackouts, institutions like police will be asked to teargas any peaceful demonstrators, university students will be asked to strike, local celebs will be asked to release some nudes, journalists will be asked to unearth government scams or MPs to demand for more districts, salary and cars plus tampering with the constitution among other controversial issues.
An unreliable government source informs that the first “SO”, code named Woloks-II, will turn critical on April 1st next year with an inaugural social media post from the president about the GDP status of the country.
Soon after, the reactor will be fed with social media rants about the poor service delivery and corruption. If the reactor fails to hit its initial target, Facebook posts and tweets about presidential term limits, pot holes, fake pastors and more will be roped in to achieve peak power generation on the inaugural day itself.
“Tweets and posts about the biting unemployment in Uganda will be fed afterwards,” sources tell Amawulire.
Scientists claim that a single social media post about corruption in the city can light a 100-watt bulb for seven hours, whereas any social media post from opposition politicians is expected to light up a whole village in Uganda for five days.