Government set to implement “one family, one idiot” policy

Kampala. In the wake of President Museveni branding a section of individuals including Members of Parliament “Idiots and Fools”, Uganda is set to copy China’s “one-child” policy by introducing a family policy of its own that is designed to have less idiots in Parliament and also increase the nation’s global labor force competitiveness. The “one-idiot” policy will restrict couples to having a single idiot child.

“The policy is badly needed,” said a government official on condition of anonymity, “the private and informal sectors cannot absorb the current level of idiots this country is producing and the Parliament can not tolerate them anymore.

Traces of "Idiots" have been found in the Uganda Parliament.
Traces of “Idiots” have been found in the Uganda Parliament.

From next month families and constituencies with more than one idiot will be penalized. “They will lose access to Universal Primary Education (UPE),” explained the official. When Amawulire wondered if that would just exacerbate the problem but was told to “stop asking difficult questions”.

There will be an amnesty for “existing idiots” and rumors are circulating that those classified “pre-1986 idiots” may be recognized under the Reservation policy. Senior MPs have  been warned.

The center has already set up a task force to investigate individuals “at risk”.

“After a long brainstorming session we identified the key indicators of risk amongst junior MPs,” said government researcher Eris Lukwawa. The government will monitor and encourage individuals to report incidences of people behaving or showing signs of being idiots.

“At risk” individuals will be bombarded with family planning advice, services, contraceptives, and copious quantities of alcohol and cigarettes in an attempt to stop them from reproducing.

A small survey in Parliament by Amawulire put the current Idiocy level at an alarming 60%. However, a high idiot rate is not necessarily an impediment to economic growth and experts claim that idiocy may actually be an advantage in politics.

For the sake of balanced journalism, Amawulire arranged an interview with the chairman of the Uganda Parliamentary Idiot Society (UPIS) but this was canceled when he got lost on the way to the office.

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