Uganda News Satire, Parody and Spoof News

Kaloli birds to get flying toilets after President orders relocation


Following reports that the days of scavenger birds commonly known as Kalooli at State House Nakasero are numbered following an order by President Yoweri Museveni to relocate them, officials from KCCA today revealed that they are planning to build flying toilets for the birds.

“Statistically speaking, almost 100% of all birds in Kampala are relieving their pupu  in the open, which is unacceptable”,  said a KCCA official on condition of anonymity.

“Birds doing it in open are far more dangerous than humans pooping in open, this behavior is intolerable”, the visibly disturbed official went on to add.

“We have decided to build flying toilets to resolve the issue, all we need to do is to teach birds how to use these toilets, for that, we have asked for help from National Water and Sewerage Corporation since they know about shit more than anyone”, the official told Amawulire.

“This is going to be one big project, we are in talks with the guys who one time procured the junk helicopters for the army and they are willing to  invest in this project since crap is their major investment. The government has approved the project as they see hopes for a big scam in it”, he added.

“First we thought of importing diapers from China for the birds, but recent reports on how stuff from china are genuine of late stopped us.”

Politicians have jumped at the opportunity to stay relevant. “As I always say that building toilets for these birds is the solution for every problem in Uganda, it can combat crimes, corruption and murders easily. Not only those, we can increase the economy’s GDP to a figure we shall decide soon”, an MP told Amawulire.

“Sounds bullshit to me. MPs can say all they want but just like diapers, we need to change them more often”, a boda boda rider on Kampala road said in response to the MP’s statement.

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