Rats in Parliament lose hearing sensation

Kampala. Mulago doctors have found that rats (rodents, not human beings) living in the Ugandan Parliament have been suffering from hearing loss. The shocking truth was discovered by a group of Mulago doctors who had been testing an antidepressant drug on animals for its efficacy. The drug is being tested for human beings as doctors feel that a lot of Ugandans could go into depression in near future.

“We played a ‘meow meow’ sound clip to a group of rats to fill them with anxiety and depression, so that we could administer drug dosage to them and find out how the respond,” Dr. Mukasa Wilfred informed, “While majority of the rats were indeed terrified and went into depression, a small group of five rats continued making merry and eating rolex.”

A rat eating Mairungi after perusing through a copy of the National Budget 2012

Mulago doctors then segregated those rats and tried to play the sound of cat’s meow once again, but there was no response. Finally Dr. Mukasa appeared before them wearing a cat’s mask, and the rats ran helter-skelter consequently.

“Clearly they could see but couldn’t hear,” Dr. Mukasa concluded, “The rats were almost deaf. We found more deaf rats in our subsequent tests and finally looked into our records to solve this mystery.”

To his amusement and horror, Dr. Mukasa found out that all the rats, which had gone deaf, were caught near the Parliament gate during the last week.

“In fact, they have been living in Parliament,” Dr. Mukasa claimed, “We later found what looked like chunks of National Budget, Oil Bill and Domestic Bill along with bread crumbs from the mousetraps in which they were delivered to our lab.”

Doctors are still researching the causes of what might have caused the rats to go deaf. Two theories have been doing the round – either the rats couldn’t sustain the high decibels of daily slogan shouting that MPs indulged in.

“100% true, Ugandan MPs are to blame. They rats can see everything around, but they don’t seem to hear or react,” Dr. Mukasa explained.

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