White smoke to signal Aronda vetting Results
Kampala. Taking a cue from the papal election process, The Appointments Committee has decided to follow the “smoke process” to signal the vetting results of Gen. Aronda Nyakairima as as new minister of Internal Affairs.
“The vetting as expected has caused a stir and authorities are being hounded by the media for updates on his fate. Since some radios and newspapers are always misinterpreting stuff with some even closed, we have decided to take the smoke route,” Kasake Irene, an official from the Uganda Media Center informed.
Making the whole process smoky transparent, The Appointments Committee has announced that every decision will be allotted a color – say, Green for “Resign from the army first” and white for “Congratulations Afande”. – and the chimney at the vetting venue will emit the respective colored smoke to convey the news.
“Some NRM party members are insisting on yellow color for “Congs Afande”, but we are trying to convince them to choose any other color from the rainbow, as yellow is a party color and may get tongues wagging that this an NRM thing. We have also thrown out the Black Monday activists suggestion of using Black because black smoke signals no decision as per the papal election process,” Kasake told Amawulire, “We are also sure Blue will not work since it belongs to some party.
A special chimney is being imported from China to be installed at the Uganda Media Center offices.
The chimney shall start emitting Green smoke as soon as the Appointments Committee demand he first resigns. This will also signal big decision makers to step in and join the negotiations.
The moment Opposition politicians try to influence the committee, there shall be a rainbow of smoke as each opposition party joins. Media would be expected to start breaking news and discussing the consequences everytime a color is ommitted from the smoke from the chimney.
Progressively, the smoke will turn pale as each opposition party’s idea is thrown out. Finally, a white smoke shall indicate that majority numbers have cleared Gen. Aronda Nyakairima as as new minister of Internal Affairs without first resigning from the army. This will be followed by fireworks from the same chimney.
NRM party supporters are expected to assemble outside the headquarters to watch white smoke come out of the chimney. Supporters will then start dancing to music by General Mega Dee and Mc Sevo of the “You want another rap” fame.
“The media will get colorful pictures and we hope they will cover the entire event live as they cover the walk-to-work and 4GC protests,” Kasake hoped.